God wants me to:

ever since i can remember, every time things fall apart or something bad happens, i like to think that God is giving me a sign.

today God clearly wants me to to take a breather, regroup and approach things in a different way.

i have to agree with God and make this a day of reflection and  re-organization.

one of the things i am doing is "throwing away 50 things a week".

clutter is one of my triggers. i can't stand it and when it gets to a certain point i feel like i need to explode.

God knows i have tried hard to keep it under control, but with three girls from 14-10 it feels like a losing battle.

it makes me angry and frustrated and annoys me to end.

so every day i wake up and i put things away and i clean up and i let the resentment simmer.

why is it so hard to clean up after yourself? seriously?

and then i think back on the way i was raised. i was not guided to do things. i HAD to do things on my own. maybe there is where all these feelings come from.

or maybe not. i am not sure.

sometimes i think that in my desire to give my own children everything i did not have i have pushed them in a wrong direction. to believe that someone will always be there to fix things when they go wrong or to pick up their messes or to remind them to do the things that they should know they need to do.

these teenage years are going to be rough, i can feel it in my bones.